Spam Awards

In addition to being predictably irrelevant like most spam, the stuff I’ve copied here from posts this blog has received is amusing for its random English, unintended humor, obscure wisdom or otherworldly logic. You too can use spam for divination!

Please don’t misunderstand — I’m not mocking non-native English speakers. I’ve taught ESL, and I’ve lived and worked overseas myself, and traveled to a number of countries, and struggled with communicating in several different languages:  Chinese, Greek, Japanese, Korean, Turkish, Malay. (Some days it’s all I can do to manage Local Yankee.) I get that challenge. What I’m pointing out is the “spamminess” of this stuff: its delightful nonsensicalness. Most of the English of non-native speakers and writers is in fact relatively comprehensible, especially in context. It aims at meaning something. The spam here rarely does that (though sometimes, by accident, it may happen).

So without further delay, I give you the “Spam Awards.”

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27 March 2017

“I wish to lern more things approximately it!”

Don’t we all, don’t we all!

28 November 2016

“it’s not frequently that I will want note your good blog.”

Always good to know that the left-handed compliment isn’t dead.

6 June 2016

(After a half-year drought in interesting spam, along came this.)

An individual was able arrive at the toe nail on the highest and also determined away event with no by-product, people could take a symbol. Shall be straight to get more. Bless you.

“At the toe nail on the highest”: I give this away as a title, free to all folk of good intent. No by-product? Truly high-quality spam.

Why? “Don’t bother me — I’m taking a symbol.”

“Shall be straight to get more.” Hmm. Sometimes I’m curved, spiked, bent, or loopy on the way get more. Rarely straight. Muscular tension and all that. Relax! How many things out my window are straight?

I am blessed. Bless you, too.

30 October 2015

“Stop thinning your hair for good.”

Yes — now I will thin my hair for evil …

27 October 2015

“It’s not normal for me to enjoy reading as much as I did your article.”

Sorry for pushing you toward such an abnormal state …

13 April 2015

“I appreciate, head to I discovered precisely what I was winning a flavour for. You give complete my quartet.”

“Completing a quartet”: a new skill for LinkedIn? And “winning a flavour for” sounds like a Ben and Jerry’s advertising scheme.

6 April 2015

“Just desire to pronounce your article is as astounding. The uncloudedness in your station is good cool down and i terminate don you’re an adept on this study. Mulct with your permit lease me to catch your RSS feed in to hold up to go steawdy with approaching place. Thanks a jillion and delight hold on the pleeasurable play.”

Always happy to hear that I inspire people to pronounce my articles. Though actually reading and thinking about them would be better. Apparently I’m an adept at … cool down? Some unnamed study? Uncloudedness? Going “steawdy”? At least I provide “pleeasurable” play. And you can “mulct with my permit” if you must …

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21 October 2014

“Is always the spell of a mysterious force, so it fly to a large space. For a moment like that. And will.”

Exactly!

“Nicely your publish was really worth the volume of perform it took a little time for myself to actually notice. You would not really feel how many hoops I had fashioned to help leap through to view your personal story.”

I do try to regulate my “volume of perform” and you should, too. But the number of hoops you choose to fashion or leap through is entirely up to you.

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07 October 2014

“This is a strange put.  Your personal posting helped me decipher it out and about, therefore i thankyou.”

This blog is all about “strange puts,” after all, and it’s up to you to decipher them.   But “out and about”? That’s yours free just for visiting.

“Are you a parent? If you find you’re too frightened, just look in the mirror and scream at the top of your lungs to work up your nerve.”

Will this strategy help launch me into fathering the children I’ve been avoiding out of fear? Tune in next week to find out … Or is this meant as a strategy to approach parenting after the fact and with greater confidence? “What was that scream, Mom?” “Oh, don’t worry, honey. Your father’s just building up the nerve to tell you to do your homework.”

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06 October 2014

“Hello! I just would like to give a huge thumbs up for the excellent info you might have here on this post.”

Nothing like a commenter trusting to chance …

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11 February 2014

“What would you recommend about your submit that you simply made a few days ago? Any certain?”

I recommend that people read my posts, since they landed here, and decide for themselves if what I write and think has any value to them. But beyond such opinions is something much more important — a reminder that what you value comes from within you. It’s something you can nourish and build on, or ignore. That’s the only “certain” I provide here.

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22 December 2013

“It’s really entry stage with respect to black color material without reserving unyielding love to match another mission. Phantom’s cries are generally very common associated with type, with a bit of point given to their cruelty.”

We’re reaching into Zen koan territory here. I’ll concede “entry stage” — we’re all beginners. And we do need love to match our missions in life. Phantom? Lot’s of ’em. Plenty of my phantoms or illusions can be cruel — especially given how I can delude myself. And I give them a “point, “too — both their sharpness and the ultimate meaning. Yes, this is what happens when you use spam like a fortune cookie …

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14 November 2013

“If attainable, as you gain experience, would you brain updating your site with a lot more info?”

I “brain update” as often as I can, since my software/wetware is still pretty buggy after all these years. Whether the update does what the documentation claims — or whether it’s “attainable” — remains to be seen. I’m a work in progress, like all of us. In case of complaint, contact the Programmer via your pineal gland.

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29 May 2013

“Thanks for the auspicious writeup. It if truth be told was a entertainment account it. Look complicated to far delivered agreeable from you! However, how can we keep in touch?”

“Far delivered agreeable” to everyone, I hope. And until I understand more, I think we’re already in touch enough …

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18 March 2013

“They also say it could mean something rather than the goddess herself. So it is anybody’s guess.”

Hmm. From what I’ve seen and experienced, this universe often means lots of things at the same time — both “something” AND “the Goddess” are well within possibility of the universe I know. Most things have multiple meanings, because there is more than one person in the world doing some meaning-making. (Hey baby, let’s get together and make some meaning.) Further, very few things are anybody’s guess. Most of us reserve our guesses for a handful of things that matter to us. And a few things are probably nobody’s guess. See where spam can take you?

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7 October 2012

“Whenever Personally i think down I love to read blogs like yours, it makes issues a bit more vibrant and some hope that not all in this world tend to be evil and terror, keep up cheering us up, I know for one, that I will follow you in every way I can, really nice sit you got going!”

Guess I could get more readers if I didn’t make them “think down.”  And just how many ways can you follow me?! Sounds stalker-creepy.  But at least I have a good “sit” going … maybe the most relaxed yoga pose I practice …

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28 May 2012

“I am hence glad by myself found out the following site. You actually essentially said all of us simply just what exactly I actually elected so that you can listen so that you can plus afterward a lot of. Fabulous writing plus cheers yet again to get engaging in this virtually no fee!”

When I finish a post, I definitely “plus afterward a lot of.” What else is there to do?! And yup:  “no fee,” either! At least as long as WordPress keeps hunger for profit at bay.

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18 May 2012

“There is noticeably quite a large amount of buck to identify about this. I assume you made particular nice points in features also.”

That’s what I do: provide ample amounts of buck to identify. In fact, more buck per word than any other blog! But re the “nice points,” did I make them or not?!

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6 April 2012

“You realize thus considerably with regards to this topic, made me for my part imagine it from numerous numerous angles. Its like women and men don’t seem to be involved unless it is one thing to do with Woman gaga! Your individual stuffs great. Always maintain it up!”

Yes, I’ll do my best to “maintain it up” and hope to “realize considerably” in the future, too. Though the “Woman gaga” part still has me scratching my head …

Posted 6 April 2012 by adruidway

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